whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
