Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
