I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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