I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
