Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
