I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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