I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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