He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
