I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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