If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
