my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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