Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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