Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
