I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
