I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
tell me about the fingering
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
