I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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