This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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