I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
