I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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