remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
