You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
