Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
