sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
