How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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