My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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