my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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