thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
