I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
