I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
