just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize