how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize