Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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