it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
