did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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