remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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