I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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