I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish i was in the wii world.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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