You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize