I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
