I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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