oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
