Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
