no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, beer. Big fan.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
