everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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