I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize