If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
