PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
soo... how was my night?
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