so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If that was your dad, he is hot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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