I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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