I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
