I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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