ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
