I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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