Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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