You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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