D3 body, D1 cock
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
