I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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