so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
