the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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