why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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