the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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