she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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