Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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