Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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