all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
