I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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