I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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