Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
