matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So apparently I’m into choking now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
