I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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