addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
